Donald Trump’s Secret Weapon

“GOP presidential hopeful Donald Trump's campaign released a written statement on Monday calling for "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States."

Unlike your average politician whose mouth is only a mouth (kinda like some cigars) used mostly for speechifying, delivering sound bites to the media, and guzzling beer with the rest of us, Donald Trump’s mouth is a multipurpose orifice of suprahuman versatility. Not only can his mouth speak, eat and pout like other humans’ mouths, but it can also lay an egg, projectile poop, squirt bile, fart toxic gasses, breed bollocks, blow bubbles of hot air, and often do all of it simultaneously.

In short, Donald Trump’s mouth is not a mouth at all. Hello, it’s a cloaca. This would be consistent with my previous suspicions that he may be more reptilian than human. 

And that’s not all. Very much like the humble, though attractively shaped, Echiura, or spoon worm, Trump’s brain is housed in his proboscis, or, more colloquially, his nose.  But that’s okay. It’s a very small brain and doesn’t need much room for the minimal tasks he demands of it.

Only yesterday, his cloaca extruded this smelly bit of paranoid fantasy: “...there is something going on with him that we don’t know about,” in reference to President Obama’s refusal to use the term “radical Islamic terrorism;” and that reminds us all of Trump’s previous questioning Obama’s birthplace and false claiming that the President practices Islam.

So, there you have it, for now. I’m sure there’s more to come, given the nature of his speech impediment, or “secret weapon,” if you prefer.

By the way, no apologies: In previous incarnations, I have railed against the dehumanization of the enemy. But see, the enemy has to start out as human, before it can be dehumanized. And anyway, I allow myself a bit of inconsistency here and there: “consistency is not really a human trait,” as the great hippy philosopher, Dame Marjorie "Maude" Chardin, told Harold in Harold and Maude.


[See comments over at http://www.thomhartmann.com/forum/2015/12/donald-trump’s-secret-weapon

My STOLEN Flush Rush Quarterly Piece: 

"RUSH LIMBAUGH HERE, Broadcasting from Rome, circa Jesus of Nazareth”

Fool that I am, way back when I sent a piece I'd written to the now-defunct Flush Rush Quarterly and immediately forgot about it. Later, however, I happened to pick up an old copy of the rag, turned a few pages, and there it was— my piece, intact and unedited, except for the author's name: they'd published it UNDER SOME MAN'S NAME!   How shrewd of the editors.  A humorist by the name of "Henry Kesselmann" didn't exist —I searched and searched— but, as everyone knows, "women don't write satire," and so what else could the editors do?

Well, here it is, just for the record. It's a Christmas story, folks. Nothing much, but it's MINE!

How ironic too, how the editors placed evidence of Rush Limbaugh's sexism on the same page: See the box: "TAKE THE VOTE FROM WOMEN," just as they themselves had taken my authorship from me on the same page!

Poem: God's Teacup

I have often wondered what folks who pray or converse with their god imagine how that god deals with the information and what makes them think “He” wants or needs their pleas and supplications.

If one's god is omniscient, doesn't one's god already know one's heart and what one needs?

Also, what reaction do they imagine “HE” has to our suffering? Considering the egregious and never-ending pain and harm done by humans to other humans on this plane of existence, one must —if “HE” is truly an all-powerful entity— deduce a wildly sadistic, sociopathic spirit watching over all.

It reminds me of this, humbly from me, from a lifetime ago:

God's Teacup

Last summer she gathered stones along the path up the mountain and scattered her tiny drawings on the floor of the shack where she stayed alone week after week. 

She practiced silence there, even at the stream where she laid her blouse, cotton skirt, the letter to her father, and went barefoot in the shallow rapids that washed past her toes and ankles and entered her like mantras, like cool wet syllables awakening within her.

When he pushed her through the doorway, when he raped her, when he apologized and left —when she scraped semen off her thighs with a knife, like scales off fish, or when she woke within a jabbering of angels— did her god peek over the rim of his teacup, his pinky rising in salute, his eye winking through the mist, his Great Nostril flaring?

“Hogwash!" and Other Down-to-Earth Observations

Do you believe in ghosts, channeling the dead,
zombies, possession by Satan, the Law of Attraction
and other mythologies of the magical-thinking kind?

Well, HOGWASH!

But don’t get too upset with me. I know how humorless you true believers can be. For the evidence, consider the following:

From skeptic.com:Challenging Psychics is Deadly Serious BusinessUK-based Sally Morgan, known by her moniker “Psychic Sally,” has become embroiled this week in another dispute with skeptics. Earlier today an undercover video was released showing rather disturbing threats being made against a skeptic from people who apparently work for the psychic performer.

The video is below, but first some background is in order. A skeptic named Mark Tilbrook has been handing out leaflets outside Ms. Morgan’s appearances as a form of skeptical activism since earlier this year. These leaflets offer some questions for attendees to consider to make “sure you are not tricked or misled into something that may not be real” along with some hyperlinks to skeptical resources online.

Ms. Morgan’s team took a dim view of this campaigning…

…As you can see, two representatives of Morgan’s come out and threaten Tilbrook not only with legal action, but also with physical violence. They also make a number of anti-gay slurs against him and several other people who have campaigned against Morgan. Quite disgraceful on every level.

Furthermore, psychics sure know how to report the deaths of folks who aren't even dead yet.

The thing is, the world needs more skeptics. Where, for example, were the skeptics when victims of misogyny, rape and oppression could have benefited from their ability to reason effectively? As an example, consider how one insular religious community killed even the possibility of critical thinking from the get go and reaped the consequences of hogwash gone wild:

For a while, the residents of Manitoba Colony thought demons were raping the town’s women. There was no other explanation. No way of explaining how a woman could wake up with blood and semen stains smeared across her sheets and no memory of the previous night. No way of explaining how another went to sleep clothed, only to wake up naked and covered by dirty fingerprints all over her body. No way to understand how another could dream of a man forcing himself onto her in a field—and then wake up the next morning with grass in her hair.

For Sara Guenter, the mystery was the rope. She would sometimes wake up in her bed with small pieces of it tied tightly to her wrists or ankles, the skin beneath an aching blue...

And then we have all the other examples of such hogwash gone wild... ad infinitum.

(Originally posted at Thomhartmann.com. See the on-going conversation here: http://www.thomhartmann.com/forum/2014/11/“hogwash-and-other-down-earth-observations )