Donald Trump’s Secret Weapon

“GOP presidential hopeful Donald Trump's campaign released a written statement on Monday calling for "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States."

Unlike your average politician whose mouth is only a mouth (kinda like some cigars) used mostly for speechifying, delivering sound bites to the media, and guzzling beer with the rest of us, Donald Trump’s mouth is a multipurpose orifice of suprahuman versatility. Not only can his mouth speak, eat and pout like other humans’ mouths, but it can also lay an egg, projectile poop, squirt bile, fart toxic gasses, breed bollocks, blow bubbles of hot air, and often do all of it simultaneously.

In short, Donald Trump’s mouth is not a mouth at all. Hello, it’s a cloaca. This would be consistent with my previous suspicions that he may be more reptilian than human. 

And that’s not all. Very much like the humble, though attractively shaped, Echiura, or spoon worm, Trump’s brain is housed in his proboscis, or, more colloquially, his nose.  But that’s okay. It’s a very small brain and doesn’t need much room for the minimal tasks he demands of it.

Only yesterday, his cloaca extruded this smelly bit of paranoid fantasy: “...there is something going on with him that we don’t know about,” in reference to President Obama’s refusal to use the term “radical Islamic terrorism;” and that reminds us all of Trump’s previous questioning Obama’s birthplace and false claiming that the President practices Islam.

So, there you have it, for now. I’m sure there’s more to come, given the nature of his speech impediment, or “secret weapon,” if you prefer.

By the way, no apologies: In previous incarnations, I have railed against the dehumanization of the enemy. But see, the enemy has to start out as human, before it can be dehumanized. And anyway, I allow myself a bit of inconsistency here and there: “consistency is not really a human trait,” as the great hippy philosopher, Dame Marjorie "Maude" Chardin, told Harold in Harold and Maude.


[See comments over at http://www.thomhartmann.com/forum/2015/12/donald-trump’s-secret-weapon

My STOLEN Flush Rush Quarterly Piece: 

"RUSH LIMBAUGH HERE, Broadcasting from Rome, circa Jesus of Nazareth”

Fool that I am, way back when I sent a piece I'd written to the now-defunct Flush Rush Quarterly and immediately forgot about it. Later, however, I happened to pick up an old copy of the rag, turned a few pages, and there it was— my piece, intact and unedited, except for the author's name: they'd published it UNDER SOME MAN'S NAME!   How shrewd of the editors.  A humorist by the name of "Henry Kesselmann" didn't exist —I searched and searched— but, as everyone knows, "women don't write satire," and so what else could the editors do?

Well, here it is, just for the record. It's a Christmas story, folks. Nothing much, but it's MINE!

How ironic too, how the editors placed evidence of Rush Limbaugh's sexism on the same page: See the box: "TAKE THE VOTE FROM WOMEN," just as they themselves had taken my authorship from me on the same page!